“Ladies and Gentlemen, ITS NOW TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH!” – the infamous words that resonate throughout sports entertainment from the late, great then WWF/WWE in ring announcer, Howard Finkel.
The Royal Rumble match is a staple in the wrestling industry, and is ultimately the kickoff pay-per-view for the road to WRESTLEMANIA. This Sunday, January 31st, 30 WWE “Superstars” (let’s be honest they’re called wrasslers) will compete in the most exciting wrestling match, the Royal Rumble. The match was created by wrestling legend, Pat Patterson, also known stooge to WWE Chairman, Vince McMahon.
Royal Rumble by the Numbers
The Rules: The match consists of a 30-Man or 30-Woman battle royal match by eliminating their competitors by tossing them over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor.
In a traditional battle royal match, all competitors are put in the ring at the same time. However, in the Royal Rumble, the superstars who drew #1 and #2 will compete in the ring with a new competitor coming in the ring every 90 seconds.
The Goal: To be the sole survivor remaining after all othercompetitors have been tossed over the top rope and eliminated.The winner gets the ultimate prize: To challenge the WWE champion for the title in the main event of the “Granddaddy of them all” Wrestlemania. Whoever wins usually carries on the tradition of pointing to the Wrestlemaina sign.
The best part of the Rumble is boozing with your comedy crew, throwing in a couple dollars and drawing numbers for which numbered contestant you get. For example, if you draw the #1, you have the 1st entrant in the Royal Rumble to win the Rumbleor #30 you get the last contestant. It is highly unlikely, but the #1 has won multiple times.
The element of surprise is the best part of the Rumble, because you never know who is going to show up this year. Here is a list of my 2021 Royal Rumble surprise entrants, and they are all unique characters:
- Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake
- Former Governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura
- Doink the Clown
- RJ Ewing
If you have time before Sunday, go on YouTube or WWE Network and watch some of the previous Royal Rumble matches. My favorite moment was at the 2003 Royal Rumble when Maven, who won WWE’s reality show Tough Enough, surprisingly eliminated the American Badass, The Undertaker. Maven eliminating Undertaker was surprising but the consequences of Maven doing so would catch up to him real quick. Undertaker got back in the ring, threw Maven over the top rope and beat the shit out of him throughout the entire arena, including throwing him through a popcorn machine.
As for the suits of Comedy Chair, I’ll blog when I want, whenever I want. You want a war, you got one.
And if you don’t like that, I got TWO WORDS FOR YA….